Disciple or Fanatic?

A Friendly Reminder to Consider Our Ways

Are you one who is engaged in the discipline of becoming more like Jesus, or a fanatic who is fueled by the craze and frenzy of spirituality that soon bottoms out once the hype meets adversity?

I could probably create a whole podcast series on who I was, who I am, and who I am striving to be—but I don’t have one presently, and the characters in this post are limited. Lately in life, I’ve been contemplating this concept that I may not be wholeheartedly serving God in the way I thought.

In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul puts a heavy emphasis on the motive behind a believer’s behavior, so that even unto death it seems meaningless in his eyes (1 Cor. 13:1-3). At some point in the past ten years (having converted to Christianity in the fall of 2015), I have found myself in a jousting match with this verse. From mentors to friends to God Himself, confronting this dynamic in my life, I have grown oddly fond of the dance I am currently in.

It is one full of agony, joy, sadness, and even tears as I write this. I speak in tongues; people tell me I’m prophetic or wise, or that I am a man of God. However, the underlying truth that should be holding that up is Love. Not societal acceptance, hubris, envy, or any other fruit of sin that Paul masterfully juxtaposes against Love in verses 4-8.

I think there is a tension here that needs to be addressed. You cannot learn to love authentically unless you allow God to replace that which is inauthentic in you through His Grace and Mercy. There are many contributing factors that I do not have time to dive into concerning the complexity of how I arrived in this “mixed clay” experience of devotion to God, and where my dysfunction ends and His Grace begins. However, I think it would serve one well to consider their ways.

“Now, therefore, thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways. You have sown much, and harvested little. You eat, but you never have enough; you drink, but you never have your fill. You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm. And he who earns wages does so to put them into a bag with holes. (Haggai 1:5-6).” In its context, this verse is about the Israelites neglecting the house of God while trying to proverbially “line their pockets”. The result of it was they did not get the anticipated outcome of their labor.

I’m not here to point fingers. Mostly just to process and confess that I am considering my ways. There are areas of my life where I am not seeing the fruit I anticipated of my labor. Over the coming months and years, until I go home, I pray I continue to lean into the discipline of “considering my ways” and not being a mere fanatic—riding the hype and frenzy of Jesus until His will contradicts mine.